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Dreamer

@elgatoesmio.bsky.social

2.8K followers 1.1K following 670 posts

wondering through the woods bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaag4k6yxumoy

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Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 10d

“breast milk” implies that we can milk other body parts

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Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 9h

pretty sure this first date wants to sleep with me because she keeps yawning

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Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 11h

Awe love them

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WitchyBlob @blobstar.bsky.social · 3d

I let the rain melt my worries away. It took some skin chunks as well, but I'm not worried about it.

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 9d

I haven’t been paying attention. Did we ever rule out Ted Cruz as the zodiac killer?

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 1d

Burying some 12-foot skeletons in my garden just to fuck with future archaeologists.

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Wolfe Van Mural @guytheguy.bsky.social · 5d

always think to myself “how do they know?” anytime anyone calls me bologna breath

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Literally @ummliterally.bsky.social · 5d

Theory: all the different types of medications in our water supply will all cancel each other out and have us feeling pretty good.

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Bigthinkingcap @bigthinkingcap.bsky.social · 1d

Watching the last plane of freedom take off from the U.S…
cause I spent all my money on Halloween candy instead of a ticket

Depiction of a meerkat with a silver link chain and a silver earring and a brown tweed newsboy cap on. A vague look of amusement or smugness as a toothpick hangs from the corner of its mouth

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Juiceticles @juiceticles.bsky.social · 6d

I have a big family get-together in a couple of hours, so I still have time to fake my own death

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Chestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 4d

My next business venture is a new line of cuck chairs for hotel rooms around the world. Cucks deserve our very best

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Μαρια Κιτρινη @greekheanen.bsky.social · 3d

New game: Lie or nap. You're allowed either to tell a lie or take a nap

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Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 22h

Yes based on a true story

Dreamer @elgatoesmio.bsky.social · 22h

Survey says: best answer

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 1d

Don't underestimate me. I could do much worse.

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 1d

Some of y'all are like the group of meth heads camped at the dollar general, seeking a bigger high, well, I'll pull the band-aid off, you peaked, it's only downhill from here

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🕷🕸Myandra is spooky🕸🕷 He can't cheat death. 🧛🏼‍♀️86/47 @myandra.bsky.social · 22h

Evidently, you can teach a cat to ride a bicycle!

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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 22h

I bet an octopus would be really good at moon walking if they just applied themselves.

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Lori @cornjerker78.bsky.social · 3d

Judge: you’re here because you booped the cop on the nose

Me: your honor, may I approach the bench?

Judge covering his nose: absolutely not

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Seamus O'Flaugherty @seamussaid.bsky.social · 5d

I may not be able to help you connect to the wifi but I can adjust the tracking on yer VCR

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Lori @cornjerker78.bsky.social · 3d

Me: You didn’t save me any pizza?

Friend: you didn’t ask.

Me: Life’s given me all kinds of shit I didn’t ask for.

Friend: not pizza.

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 22h

Lying in bed warm like a corpse before rigamortus sets in.

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ThinlyVeiledPanda @thinlyveiledpanda.bsky.social · 1d

How hard do I have to shake the little glowing doom rectangle before dopamine comes out?

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 1d

My posts haven't been good this year or since 2015 really but you caught me at a bad time.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 1d

What if all this time you were actually eating breaded fish dicks?

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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 1d

when you go to a mutuals page to catch up on their new posts but get distracted by the reposts on their page and jump to another mutuals page via the first mutual then another and another then you realise you forgot to check the first mutuals new posts so you go back and the cycle starts again

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