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MrsFitz

@mrsfitz.bsky.social

1.4K followers 610 following 270 posts

https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:oc6tr5qvwwhtehgp4rrlik7z/feed/aaao6dnwwd3rw

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MrsFitz @mrsfitz.bsky.social · Jan 20

Sorry I said your boyfriend looks like Baron Harkonnen. It was childish & wrong. He's floating right behind me, isn't he?

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Sooz @cruisinsoozan.bsky.social · 9h

When I say that I’m going off the grid, that just means I took my Fitbit off.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 11h

I was a sailor on a merchant vessel carrying claret and port away from the continent but now I just rig clotheslines

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Mary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 10h

I was at a crowded event today and the baby in front of me was named Mary. And the elderly lady next to me was also named Mary and I felt like the three of us should’ve gathered to discuss life as a Mary over some Diet Coke/formula.

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Sooz @cruisinsoozan.bsky.social · 9h

*charges seven different vibrators*

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 12h

His beard was like a temper tantrum. Her breath was better than her playlist. They made love in the Kohl’s parking lot.

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 12h

People who post cat videos deserve the Nobel Peace Prize

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 15h

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do scrapbooking.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 18h

Please sir, my shells, they're stuffed.

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 18h

There’s really no punk rock way to make a solar system out of birthday cake.

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spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 13h

Can't wait to see the federal response to trick-or-treaters.

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Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 13h

JANE! GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING! re: america

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 15h

Y'all I can't do another social media move. Dm me your number and I'll text you

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 18h

Be careful saying negative things about yourself breathing through bamboo from the bottom of a pond. People walking by will tell the pond positive things about it and you'll believe them I love you pond

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Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 21h

Today I woke up not feeling like I was dying. Something must be wrong.

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Astr0z0mbreez @astr0z0mbreez.bsky.social · 20h

I believe in life after death like scientifically cause almost every rotting tomato & pumpkin ive thrown back in the dirt comes back as a plant in the Spring unless they like don’t have the will or somethin

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · 21h

HGTV has taught me you can do anything if you have the right tools. I’ve also learned that any handyman you hire will have those tools.

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Sunshine Jarboly @sunshinejarboly.bsky.social · 18h

one of the negative side effects from the covid lockdown that’s rarely talked about is how social media ushered in the ‘really-good-looking-influencer-couple-pranking-each-other-in-their-lifeless-mansions-where-every-light-in-the-house-is-on’ genre of entertainment.

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Kelly🆘🇺🇸 @kimtopher22.bsky.social · 20h

Hi, my name is Kelly and I prefer unfrosted pop-tarts.

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Frank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · 18h

[First Date]

Paige Turner: "I've been unlucky in love. I feel like people expect me to be more exciting."

Cliff Hanger: "Weird. I get that too."

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 19h

Due to inflation I'll still be buying myself a little treat.

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andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 19h

Who needs sex when you have cool ranch doritos?

Therapist: *scribbling furiously*

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Sooz @cruisinsoozan.bsky.social · 1d

Once you’re over forty, a bad day can be improved with a nap, or a bowl of the premium fro yo... even a good fart. All three will send your body into shock though. Be careful.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

The world lost when it decided to want to make war instead of art. Me?
I just want to make pancakes.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 1d

You know what it is, the mind yearning to commune with the night and knowing not to say day things like talking to ambience solves nothing let's fuck up afternoons

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 1d

Brain damage is probably my most endearing quality.

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