Fomo Simpson
@haliphacks.bsky.social
Keeping it funny on Bluesky since its early days as a radio show.
My posts ➜ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kla5p6qnfqixl6bgwbttabhh/feed/aaadag4p2jrvk
My posts ➜ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kla5p6qnfqixl6bgwbttabhh/feed/aaadag4p2jrvk
Pinned
Fomo Simpson
@haliphacks.bsky.social
· Nov 21
*presses lips against mic*
I wished I sanitized this first
I wished I sanitized this first
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Her: Let's go for a walk
Him: Can't, uh, baseball's on
Her: Baseball in January?
Him: Winter baseball. They use a snowball
Her: You could've just said no
Him: When they slide into home they use a sled
Her: *leaves*
Him: *yelling* The dugout literally needs to be dug out!
Him: Can't, uh, baseball's on
Her: Baseball in January?
Him: Winter baseball. They use a snowball
Her: You could've just said no
Him: When they slide into home they use a sled
Her: *leaves*
Him: *yelling* The dugout literally needs to be dug out!
January 4, 2025 at 1:41 PM
Her: Let's go for a walk
Him: Can't, uh, baseball's on
Her: Baseball in January?
Him: Winter baseball. They use a snowball
Her: You could've just said no
Him: When they slide into home they use a sled
Her: *leaves*
Him: *yelling* The dugout literally needs to be dug out!
Him: Can't, uh, baseball's on
Her: Baseball in January?
Him: Winter baseball. They use a snowball
Her: You could've just said no
Him: When they slide into home they use a sled
Her: *leaves*
Him: *yelling* The dugout literally needs to be dug out!
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
You can run but you can’t hide from the Alumni Association
January 13, 2026 at 5:39 AM
You can run but you can’t hide from the Alumni Association
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
babybel implies the existence of scarybel, sportybel, gingerbel and poshbel
January 13, 2026 at 4:50 AM
babybel implies the existence of scarybel, sportybel, gingerbel and poshbel
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
They might be giants? It should be obvious. If there's a question, they probably aren't.
January 13, 2026 at 2:59 AM
They might be giants? It should be obvious. If there's a question, they probably aren't.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Must've been pretty cool just floating around in the old days before newton fucked it all up with his gravity law
January 12, 2026 at 11:22 PM
Must've been pretty cool just floating around in the old days before newton fucked it all up with his gravity law
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Used 'ersatz' in a sentence today and instantly grew a monocle
January 13, 2026 at 2:48 AM
Used 'ersatz' in a sentence today and instantly grew a monocle
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
if you have a small hound dog mutt that's an everything beagle
December 30, 2025 at 1:27 AM
if you have a small hound dog mutt that's an everything beagle
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
date idea: we explore a haunted castle to test your ability to duck and dodge my flailing limbs when i hear unexpected sounds
(legal disclaimer: i am not responsible for any resulting death or injury)
(legal disclaimer: i am not responsible for any resulting death or injury)
January 13, 2026 at 12:29 AM
date idea: we explore a haunted castle to test your ability to duck and dodge my flailing limbs when i hear unexpected sounds
(legal disclaimer: i am not responsible for any resulting death or injury)
(legal disclaimer: i am not responsible for any resulting death or injury)
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I’m the human equivalent of a hiccup.
January 4, 2026 at 7:23 PM
I’m the human equivalent of a hiccup.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Looking back, I'm glad Taco Bell never had a ball pit.
January 12, 2026 at 7:22 PM
Looking back, I'm glad Taco Bell never had a ball pit.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
If my grandpa knew how little we spent on his funeral, he’d turn over in his cardboard box.
January 13, 2026 at 1:04 AM
If my grandpa knew how little we spent on his funeral, he’d turn over in his cardboard box.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
people here say the grass doesn't get wet in the morning but it dew
January 13, 2026 at 12:13 PM
people here say the grass doesn't get wet in the morning but it dew
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
*opens a portal to Earth-2*
November 8, 2024 at 8:09 AM
*opens a portal to Earth-2*
Once I learn how to break ankles in basketball, it's crossover for you, bitches.
January 12, 2026 at 1:30 PM
Once I learn how to break ankles in basketball, it's crossover for you, bitches.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Can I get a peace prize? And can it be titties?
January 12, 2026 at 3:05 AM
Can I get a peace prize? And can it be titties?
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Hey y'all. At what point during the exam do I kiss my optometrist?
January 12, 2026 at 2:57 AM
Hey y'all. At what point during the exam do I kiss my optometrist?
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Me and my boys waiting for our turn to use the airport pull-up bar.
December 9, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Me and my boys waiting for our turn to use the airport pull-up bar.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Social media
2% useful news
7% clever and/or funny posts
3% useful or interesting political posts
1% interesting pics or images
87% the absolute worst
2% useful news
7% clever and/or funny posts
3% useful or interesting political posts
1% interesting pics or images
87% the absolute worst
January 9, 2026 at 4:22 PM
Social media
2% useful news
7% clever and/or funny posts
3% useful or interesting political posts
1% interesting pics or images
87% the absolute worst
2% useful news
7% clever and/or funny posts
3% useful or interesting political posts
1% interesting pics or images
87% the absolute worst
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
We’re working hard to break the “River Side Curse.” In the meantime, please claim your complimentary amulet from the gift shop.
January 7, 2026 at 6:26 PM
We’re working hard to break the “River Side Curse.” In the meantime, please claim your complimentary amulet from the gift shop.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I’ve pooped here before, just like this
- deja doodoo
- deja doodoo
January 10, 2026 at 11:03 AM
I’ve pooped here before, just like this
- deja doodoo
- deja doodoo
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Every person you meet is is pressured with thoughts you don’t know. Make it worse by asking them how they are.
January 9, 2026 at 10:48 AM
Every person you meet is is pressured with thoughts you don’t know. Make it worse by asking them how they are.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Whenever I meet a cat, I say, "Mice to meet you."
January 9, 2026 at 4:22 AM
Whenever I meet a cat, I say, "Mice to meet you."
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
life is a highway to the danger zone
January 9, 2026 at 1:47 AM
life is a highway to the danger zone
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I'm so sorry but an autopsy is out of network and you haven't met your deductible.
January 9, 2026 at 8:07 AM
I'm so sorry but an autopsy is out of network and you haven't met your deductible.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
“Help us, Bowie-wan.
You’re our only hope.”
You’re our only hope.”
January 9, 2026 at 12:26 PM
“Help us, Bowie-wan.
You’re our only hope.”
You’re our only hope.”