Fomo Simpson
@haliphacks.bsky.social
Keeping it funny on Bluesky since its early days as a radio show.
My posts ➜ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kla5p6qnfqixl6bgwbttabhh/feed/aaadag4p2jrvk
My posts ➜ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kla5p6qnfqixl6bgwbttabhh/feed/aaadag4p2jrvk
Pinned
Fomo Simpson
@haliphacks.bsky.social
· Aug 7
There's a "Restore All" button on the paper shredder, right?
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I'm in my "why do I continue to live here" era (every November to April).
November 20, 2024 at 2:39 PM
I'm in my "why do I continue to live here" era (every November to April).
Mike's Hard Crippling Debt
November 24, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Mike's Hard Crippling Debt
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
*presses lips against mic*
I wished I sanitized this first
I wished I sanitized this first
November 21, 2025 at 1:30 PM
*presses lips against mic*
I wished I sanitized this first
I wished I sanitized this first
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Alanis Morissette:🎵 It's not fair, to deny me / Of the Cocaine Bear that you gave to me 🎶
November 18, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Alanis Morissette:🎵 It's not fair, to deny me / Of the Cocaine Bear that you gave to me 🎶
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
If you had perfect attendance as a kid, I don't trust you as an adult
November 12, 2025 at 4:03 PM
If you had perfect attendance as a kid, I don't trust you as an adult
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Point taken. It's mine now. Please continue your pointless life.
November 18, 2025 at 11:14 PM
Point taken. It's mine now. Please continue your pointless life.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy
November 22, 2025 at 6:20 PM
apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Pudding on the Ritz 🎶
November 22, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Pudding on the Ritz 🎶
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Reeeeeeeeeeeally close to standing up, putting my badge on the desk and just walking out today.
November 20, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Reeeeeeeeeeeally close to standing up, putting my badge on the desk and just walking out today.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
bros are putting so many different headlights on their pickup truck you'd think you're being abducted by aliens every time they roll up
November 21, 2025 at 10:15 PM
bros are putting so many different headlights on their pickup truck you'd think you're being abducted by aliens every time they roll up
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
When push comes to shove make sure they have a really long drop behind them.
November 17, 2025 at 1:37 PM
When push comes to shove make sure they have a really long drop behind them.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
why yes I have long been an aficionado of the humpty dance
November 22, 2025 at 1:44 AM
why yes I have long been an aficionado of the humpty dance
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I’ve half a mind (that’s it, end of sentence).
November 18, 2025 at 1:51 PM
I’ve half a mind (that’s it, end of sentence).
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Deciding which show to nap through next is exhausting.
November 22, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Deciding which show to nap through next is exhausting.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
My body is acting a little ungrateful given all the treats I’ve been feeding it
November 23, 2025 at 1:01 AM
My body is acting a little ungrateful given all the treats I’ve been feeding it
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
The IRS taxes U.S. Olympians $8,986 per gold medal they win. The ONLY reason I didn't compete in the Olympics is because I can't afford to win.
November 20, 2025 at 7:05 PM
The IRS taxes U.S. Olympians $8,986 per gold medal they win. The ONLY reason I didn't compete in the Olympics is because I can't afford to win.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
HELLO SHARKS: OUR REVOLUTIONARY APP CONNECTS UFC FIGHTERS WHO PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP WITH THE INSOMNIACS WHO CRAVE IT
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
HELLO SHARKS: OUR REVOLUTIONARY APP CONNECTS UFC FIGHTERS WHO PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP WITH THE INSOMNIACS WHO CRAVE IT
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
When one door closes…it’s hitting me on the ass on the way out
November 21, 2025 at 9:24 AM
When one door closes…it’s hitting me on the ass on the way out
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Kid: Is this a parrot?
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
November 15, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Kid: Is this a parrot?
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
Me: no
Kid: but it sais what I say
Me: It's an old tape recorder
Kid: What does it eat?
Me: Cassettes
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
If you bring your fancy peanut butter to the Home Depot paint dept they have to mix it for you
November 22, 2025 at 2:55 PM
If you bring your fancy peanut butter to the Home Depot paint dept they have to mix it for you
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
ugh, my dashboard is gas lighting me
November 22, 2025 at 3:43 AM
ugh, my dashboard is gas lighting me
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
the stress of having to fill out and return a pdf
November 22, 2025 at 3:23 PM
the stress of having to fill out and return a pdf
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
For a while there as a kid I thought my name was shit for brains
November 23, 2025 at 12:47 AM
For a while there as a kid I thought my name was shit for brains
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Me as a therapist: Sweep the leg!
November 11, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Me as a therapist: Sweep the leg!