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Sardonic Tart

@sardonictart.bsky.social

2.5K followers 450 following 110 posts

Former lifelong Buffalonian living in North Carolina. Don't bother me. Go Bills❤️💙 https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:rzgxnxi42gyskrxw247ofmee/feed/aaackkaxo7pmk

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Sardonic Tart @sardonictart.bsky.social · Nov 12

I don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up but I'm pretty sure it wasn't this.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · Mar 15

[the inventor of golf] How can we monetize getting angry in a field?

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · Jul 10

got fired from the casket-making factory. boss said i talked too much. that was the nail in my coffin. i just couldn’t put a lid on it. i made grave mistakes. ì

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · Jul 17

Chris Martin’s conscious uncoupling powers are growing. Stay vigilant

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · Jul 18

*quietly beatboxing as the cop reads me my rights

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · Jul 18

you: *saying words*
me: this is a lot

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Obviously everyone @napping.bsky.social · Feb 15

Be the reason he enters the witness protection program.

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Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · Jul 16

me: if you put the word "casual" in front of friday, you're leaving room for broad interpretation.

h.r.: you were wearing a wrestling singlet

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Phantom Deeks 🫶 @deeks549.bsky.social · Nov 22

Welcome to hell. Please take a leaf blower

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Sam @samuelhlowe.bsky.social · Jul 18

My day has been so dreary and boring that Chris Martin wants to sing it.

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · Jul 17

This would never have happened at a Nickelback concert

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · Jul 18

i’m not seeing here in the constitution where it says every single day must be insane

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Sardonic Tart @sardonictart.bsky.social · Jul 18

[Looking at old photos]

I remember when that top used to fit me

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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · Jul 12

If it weren't for spite, I'm not sure I'd do anything.

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · Jul 9

cops, do not read

to everyone else: i love crimes

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Sardonic Tart @sardonictart.bsky.social · Jul 12

I haven't been on here for a couple months and now I can't remember any of the material I thought of but I can tell you it was gold

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · Jul 11

Me: I don’t feel well.

Doctor: That’s because you’re alive.

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · Apr 14

It costs nothing to be kind. But then again, it costs nothing to be a sociopath. So you see my dilemma

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · Jul 10

[batman looking at bat signal]
I keep telling this guy to just text me

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bacon popsicle 🤷‍♂️ @gupton68.bsky.social · Jul 11

me: why don’t I have any matching socks?

wife: the washing machine keeps eating them

me: you must be using the vicious cycle

wife: I despise you

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · Jul 6

I would start a cult if it weren't for the paperwork.

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Frank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · Apr 4

I keep a log of all the trees I cut down.

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · Apr 3

Your secrets are safe with me because I really, really don’t care.

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Sardonic Tart @sardonictart.bsky.social · Apr 4

I wish my dog could articulate to me the joy he derives from me throwing a ball and him fetching it two hundred times in a row

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · Mar 9

Sure, make fun of my cargo pants but sooner or later you're going to need a cocktail shaker or a map of 11th century France.

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Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social · Mar 8

I'm just one decent laminator away from owning a very convincing licence to kill.

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