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I've waited 3 years to make this post
December 30, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I've waited 3 years to make this post
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tbt my finest festive hour:
December 26, 2025 at 10:34 AM
tbt my finest festive hour:
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why do we always have to pee so bad
can’t we just pee so good
can’t we just pee so good
October 3, 2025 at 6:55 AM
why do we always have to pee so bad
can’t we just pee so good
can’t we just pee so good
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Many say they want the hooba, and then complain about the stank.
October 2, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Many say they want the hooba, and then complain about the stank.
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Waitress: what’s the matter hon
Mary Shelley: i don’t know what to call my new book
Waitress: maybe some lunch will help
Mary Shelley: okay i’ll have a hot dog and a beer
Waitress: one frank & stein coming up
Mary Shelley: wait what did u just say
Mary Shelley: i don’t know what to call my new book
Waitress: maybe some lunch will help
Mary Shelley: okay i’ll have a hot dog and a beer
Waitress: one frank & stein coming up
Mary Shelley: wait what did u just say
October 2, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Waitress: what’s the matter hon
Mary Shelley: i don’t know what to call my new book
Waitress: maybe some lunch will help
Mary Shelley: okay i’ll have a hot dog and a beer
Waitress: one frank & stein coming up
Mary Shelley: wait what did u just say
Mary Shelley: i don’t know what to call my new book
Waitress: maybe some lunch will help
Mary Shelley: okay i’ll have a hot dog and a beer
Waitress: one frank & stein coming up
Mary Shelley: wait what did u just say
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Everyone knows that "copping a feel" on the subway is absolutely atrocious behavior. However, "feeling a cop" is equally frowned upon. I know that now.
September 14, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Everyone knows that "copping a feel" on the subway is absolutely atrocious behavior. However, "feeling a cop" is equally frowned upon. I know that now.
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Sorry I yelled at your toddler. I thought he was someone else.
December 30, 2024 at 12:15 AM
Sorry I yelled at your toddler. I thought he was someone else.
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Sherma from the hit game Silksong 🎵
September 8, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Sherma from the hit game Silksong 🎵
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Not a lot of people know this but the MC in MC Hammer stands for master carpenter
August 26, 2025 at 1:24 PM
Not a lot of people know this but the MC in MC Hammer stands for master carpenter
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Ralph hoped the vet had a sense of humor as he headed into the office carrying his stool sample.
August 16, 2025 at 1:24 PM
Ralph hoped the vet had a sense of humor as he headed into the office carrying his stool sample.
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me: what seat are you in?
her: 11D
me: *scoffing* eleventy isn't a real number
her: 11D
me: *scoffing* eleventy isn't a real number
August 16, 2025 at 4:12 AM
me: what seat are you in?
her: 11D
me: *scoffing* eleventy isn't a real number
her: 11D
me: *scoffing* eleventy isn't a real number
me when i eat a pudding cup
If you’re not getting your tongue into all the nooks and crannies are you even doing it right?
August 12, 2025 at 2:28 AM
me when i eat a pudding cup
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Be the reason why a hands-free toilet flushes as you walk by
August 2, 2025 at 11:51 AM
Be the reason why a hands-free toilet flushes as you walk by
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What I say: I’m wearing nothing but panties
What I mean: I’m wearing every kind of panties you can imagine all at once. Panties of all types hanging off of my arms, around my legs, layered over my head; the eldritch abomination that Victoria has been trying to keep secret for so long, free at last
What I mean: I’m wearing every kind of panties you can imagine all at once. Panties of all types hanging off of my arms, around my legs, layered over my head; the eldritch abomination that Victoria has been trying to keep secret for so long, free at last
July 19, 2025 at 8:39 PM
What I say: I’m wearing nothing but panties
What I mean: I’m wearing every kind of panties you can imagine all at once. Panties of all types hanging off of my arms, around my legs, layered over my head; the eldritch abomination that Victoria has been trying to keep secret for so long, free at last
What I mean: I’m wearing every kind of panties you can imagine all at once. Panties of all types hanging off of my arms, around my legs, layered over my head; the eldritch abomination that Victoria has been trying to keep secret for so long, free at last
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say… why the long balls?
July 19, 2025 at 9:07 PM
say… why the long balls?
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“Superman is too woke!”
Literally the first page of the first ever appearance of Superman:
Literally the first page of the first ever appearance of Superman:
July 11, 2025 at 1:58 PM
“Superman is too woke!”
Literally the first page of the first ever appearance of Superman:
Literally the first page of the first ever appearance of Superman:
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And God saw the boys that he had made, and behold, they were back in town
December 17, 2024 at 10:24 PM
And God saw the boys that he had made, and behold, they were back in town
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fingered in the butthole of the mind
July 8, 2025 at 12:52 AM
fingered in the butthole of the mind
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Sure. Negativity will ruin my life, but positivity isn't funny. So you see my dilemma.
July 4, 2025 at 12:55 AM
Sure. Negativity will ruin my life, but positivity isn't funny. So you see my dilemma.
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look what he posted about JFK SMDH
June 29, 2025 at 1:46 AM
look what he posted about JFK SMDH
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How are you gonna open up a whole can of whoop ass when it looks like you’d have trouble cranking the can opener
June 28, 2025 at 3:56 PM
How are you gonna open up a whole can of whoop ass when it looks like you’d have trouble cranking the can opener
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i love how our bodies have internal alerts like
“your bladder is full time to go pee!”
“your brain is tired time to yawn!”
“your feet are numb time to get off the toilet!”
“your bladder is full time to go pee!”
“your brain is tired time to yawn!”
“your feet are numb time to get off the toilet!”
June 24, 2025 at 6:34 PM
i love how our bodies have internal alerts like
“your bladder is full time to go pee!”
“your brain is tired time to yawn!”
“your feet are numb time to get off the toilet!”
“your bladder is full time to go pee!”
“your brain is tired time to yawn!”
“your feet are numb time to get off the toilet!”
i woke up with hate in my heart today
June 20, 2025 at 12:45 PM
i woke up with hate in my heart today