Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
@etobicokeernie.bsky.social
Pinned
Me: Garlic bread gives me a boner
Girlfriend: Can you stop saying that in the restaurant?
Girlfriend: Can you stop saying that in the restaurant?
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Too fat to be thin not fat enough to be thicc
April 14, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Too fat to be thin not fat enough to be thicc
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
But can your soulmate do THIS?
*pops a wheelie on my BMX*
*pops a wheelie on my BMX*
April 12, 2025 at 12:56 PM
But can your soulmate do THIS?
*pops a wheelie on my BMX*
*pops a wheelie on my BMX*
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Don’t tell me to rise and shine in the morning. Not once in my entire life have I ever risen and shone.
April 10, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Don’t tell me to rise and shine in the morning. Not once in my entire life have I ever risen and shone.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Quiz host: We asked 100 people to name something in life that never lets you down…
Me: CHEESE
Me: CHEESE
April 14, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Quiz host: We asked 100 people to name something in life that never lets you down…
Me: CHEESE
Me: CHEESE
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
This cheeseburger tastes like I'll just leave my shirt on at the beach this summer
April 14, 2025 at 5:53 PM
This cheeseburger tastes like I'll just leave my shirt on at the beach this summer
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
If vampires drink too much blood do they get a fangover *throws phone in a lake
April 14, 2025 at 5:55 PM
If vampires drink too much blood do they get a fangover *throws phone in a lake
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
who wants to go to the mall, get snacks and watch the kids cry as they meet the Easter Bunny?
April 14, 2025 at 1:56 PM
who wants to go to the mall, get snacks and watch the kids cry as they meet the Easter Bunny?
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Everything went downhill today after I put on pants
April 14, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Everything went downhill today after I put on pants
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Coachella tickets were too expensive, so I bought tickets to Assistant Coachella.
April 13, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Coachella tickets were too expensive, so I bought tickets to Assistant Coachella.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Decapitation is a problem and we need to address it head-on.
April 8, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Decapitation is a problem and we need to address it head-on.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
I would describe my gardening style as If Punky Brewster had a backyard.
April 13, 2025 at 11:39 PM
I would describe my gardening style as If Punky Brewster had a backyard.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Behind every great woman is a man staring at her butt as she walks away.
April 14, 2025 at 11:06 AM
Behind every great woman is a man staring at her butt as she walks away.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
If there was a contest for who could get the most cream filling out of a Twinkie by squeezing it between their butt cheeks I bet you would win.
April 14, 2025 at 8:11 AM
If there was a contest for who could get the most cream filling out of a Twinkie by squeezing it between their butt cheeks I bet you would win.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Are you more of a "call me" or "text me" person?
Me: I'm more of a "leave me the fuck alone" person.
Me: I'm more of a "leave me the fuck alone" person.
April 14, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Are you more of a "call me" or "text me" person?
Me: I'm more of a "leave me the fuck alone" person.
Me: I'm more of a "leave me the fuck alone" person.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Two can play at this game. Unless it is baseball.
Then 18 can play at this game.
Then 18 can play at this game.
April 14, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Two can play at this game. Unless it is baseball.
Then 18 can play at this game.
Then 18 can play at this game.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Once you've given up drumming it's hard to get back into it because of the repercussions.
April 13, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Once you've given up drumming it's hard to get back into it because of the repercussions.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
dont talk to me until ive had my morning bowl of chicken alfredo
April 14, 2025 at 1:23 PM
dont talk to me until ive had my morning bowl of chicken alfredo
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
I find that nowadays I start a lot of my conversations with "Well in the old days."
April 14, 2025 at 2:23 PM
I find that nowadays I start a lot of my conversations with "Well in the old days."
My black sweatpants don’t accentuate my boner like the grey pair does
April 14, 2025 at 1:47 PM
My black sweatpants don’t accentuate my boner like the grey pair does
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
I’m not trying to brag but I look really good with 27 filters
April 14, 2025 at 12:52 PM
I’m not trying to brag but I look really good with 27 filters
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
[narrating a documentary on owls] just look at these fucken insomniac chickens
April 14, 2025 at 1:08 PM
[narrating a documentary on owls] just look at these fucken insomniac chickens
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
Why is a threesome not called an “I love you two?”
April 12, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Why is a threesome not called an “I love you two?”
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
*first time meeting his parents
Them: what do you like about our son?
Me: he’s really good with his fingers
Them: yes, he is very handy
Me: yeah sure, that's totally what I meant
Them: what do you like about our son?
Me: he’s really good with his fingers
Them: yes, he is very handy
Me: yeah sure, that's totally what I meant
April 14, 2025 at 11:54 AM
*first time meeting his parents
Them: what do you like about our son?
Me: he’s really good with his fingers
Them: yes, he is very handy
Me: yeah sure, that's totally what I meant
Them: what do you like about our son?
Me: he’s really good with his fingers
Them: yes, he is very handy
Me: yeah sure, that's totally what I meant
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
*walking into work
Guess I’ll save this place again.
Guess I’ll save this place again.
April 14, 2025 at 10:57 AM
*walking into work
Guess I’ll save this place again.
Guess I’ll save this place again.
Reposted by Etobicoke Ernie🇨🇦
I wonder if meatball hoagies are also thinking about me.
April 14, 2025 at 7:28 AM
I wonder if meatball hoagies are also thinking about me.