redherringbear
@qutzupalotl.bsky.social
Here for the funny with an occasional politic. Reposts are an endorsement of the joke. My stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3ikhpxf3tft4blnm3xphwu5t/feed/aaaefhjnprqaq
Reposted by redherringbear
Who called a noose instead of a tiedie?
November 25, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Who called a noose instead of a tiedie?
Reposted by redherringbear
I find myself being swept away by current events lately.
November 24, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I find myself being swept away by current events lately.
Reposted by redherringbear
Nobody can make me feel guilty but myself, your honor.
November 24, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Nobody can make me feel guilty but myself, your honor.
Reposted by redherringbear
all i want is a pet crow who tells all his friends to wreak vengeance upon my enemies
November 24, 2025 at 4:13 PM
all i want is a pet crow who tells all his friends to wreak vengeance upon my enemies
Reposted by redherringbear
Some things are better left slurred inaudibly.
November 23, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Some things are better left slurred inaudibly.
Reposted by redherringbear
Your honor, I plead dare.
November 24, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Your honor, I plead dare.
Reposted by redherringbear
Therapist: I want you to stop making self-deprecating jokes
Me: Because I think that if I point out my flaws first I will disarm everyone else? Because it feels safer to be the jester than the target but this is actually a maladaptive survival strategy?
Therapist: No. Because you suck at it.
Me: Because I think that if I point out my flaws first I will disarm everyone else? Because it feels safer to be the jester than the target but this is actually a maladaptive survival strategy?
Therapist: No. Because you suck at it.
November 24, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Therapist: I want you to stop making self-deprecating jokes
Me: Because I think that if I point out my flaws first I will disarm everyone else? Because it feels safer to be the jester than the target but this is actually a maladaptive survival strategy?
Therapist: No. Because you suck at it.
Me: Because I think that if I point out my flaws first I will disarm everyone else? Because it feels safer to be the jester than the target but this is actually a maladaptive survival strategy?
Therapist: No. Because you suck at it.
Reposted by redherringbear
coffee is the magic bean
pour it now or I'll get mean
sweet & black & hot as shit
down my throat my pilot's lit
full my head with lightning bolts
ah the zing of amps & volts
the love of god who must I fuck
have some more brought by a truck
fill me full of energy
16th time I have to pee
pour it now or I'll get mean
sweet & black & hot as shit
down my throat my pilot's lit
full my head with lightning bolts
ah the zing of amps & volts
the love of god who must I fuck
have some more brought by a truck
fill me full of energy
16th time I have to pee
November 23, 2025 at 3:44 PM
coffee is the magic bean
pour it now or I'll get mean
sweet & black & hot as shit
down my throat my pilot's lit
full my head with lightning bolts
ah the zing of amps & volts
the love of god who must I fuck
have some more brought by a truck
fill me full of energy
16th time I have to pee
pour it now or I'll get mean
sweet & black & hot as shit
down my throat my pilot's lit
full my head with lightning bolts
ah the zing of amps & volts
the love of god who must I fuck
have some more brought by a truck
fill me full of energy
16th time I have to pee
Reposted by redherringbear
My internet was down for so long, I almost had an original idea!
November 23, 2025 at 3:47 PM
My internet was down for so long, I almost had an original idea!
Reposted by redherringbear
a little ironic Santa named one of his reindeer Dancer seeing as it has two left feet.
November 22, 2025 at 5:34 PM
a little ironic Santa named one of his reindeer Dancer seeing as it has two left feet.
Reposted by redherringbear
apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy
November 22, 2025 at 6:20 PM
apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy
Reposted by redherringbear
Ties you up with your red flags and tickles your feet.
November 22, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Ties you up with your red flags and tickles your feet.
Reposted by redherringbear
There's a "Restore All" button on the paper shredder, right?
August 7, 2025 at 12:30 PM
There's a "Restore All" button on the paper shredder, right?
Reposted by redherringbear
thought the dog was being extra affectionate this afternoon but it was just the tunafish on my sweatpants
October 25, 2025 at 5:24 PM
thought the dog was being extra affectionate this afternoon but it was just the tunafish on my sweatpants
Reposted by redherringbear
Just saw a bumper sticker that read, “Do you follow Jesus this closely?“
And I thought, “I don’t know. Does he drive as fucking slow as you?!”
And I thought, “I don’t know. Does he drive as fucking slow as you?!”
October 28, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Just saw a bumper sticker that read, “Do you follow Jesus this closely?“
And I thought, “I don’t know. Does he drive as fucking slow as you?!”
And I thought, “I don’t know. Does he drive as fucking slow as you?!”
Reposted by redherringbear
If you're driving on the sidewalk, does it still count as road rage?
November 3, 2025 at 2:32 PM
If you're driving on the sidewalk, does it still count as road rage?
Reposted by redherringbear
The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at
November 8, 2025 at 12:42 PM
The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at
Reposted by redherringbear
yeah well, between disassociation and existential dread I keep pretty busy
December 4, 2024 at 4:26 AM
yeah well, between disassociation and existential dread I keep pretty busy
Reposted by redherringbear
either that guy in the truck ahead of me is burning oil or he’s just elected a new pope
November 13, 2025 at 11:02 PM
either that guy in the truck ahead of me is burning oil or he’s just elected a new pope
Reposted by redherringbear
"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."
November 22, 2025 at 5:02 PM
"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."
Reposted by redherringbear
“Try to be more socially interactive”, they said
“Engage with the wider community”, they said
“You have the right to remain silent”, they said
“Engage with the wider community”, they said
“You have the right to remain silent”, they said
November 22, 2025 at 9:14 AM
“Try to be more socially interactive”, they said
“Engage with the wider community”, they said
“You have the right to remain silent”, they said
“Engage with the wider community”, they said
“You have the right to remain silent”, they said
Reposted by redherringbear
A
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y
{free-floating anxiety}
n
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{free-floating anxiety}
December 16, 2023 at 1:34 PM
A
n
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t
y
{free-floating anxiety}
n
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{free-floating anxiety}
Reposted by redherringbear
Reposted by redherringbear
if i get one more news alert tonight my whole body is going to boil into vapor
November 22, 2025 at 2:39 AM
if i get one more news alert tonight my whole body is going to boil into vapor
Trump doesn’t exercise, but he sets off my pedometer.
November 22, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Trump doesn’t exercise, but he sets off my pedometer.