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chris.

@azedand2knots.bsky.social

15K followers 1.4K following 3.8K posts

Horrors and hot dogs. (she/they) Latest https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaajole3giqdq Random https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaadr7exzc3rw

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · May 23

The thrum of anticipation reverberates until I open the barn doors and release the swarm of young Girl Guides, free at last to enact their scourge upon the land.

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 1h

I hope you’re violently ambushed by stability and tenderly mauled by good news this weekend.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 22h

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do scrapbooking.

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Lee Harveryscary @valleyguitarist.bsky.social · 9h

People say snake oil salesperson derogatorily but it's actually a really difficult job, because so few people have snakes that require lubricaction

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Reposted by chris.

Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 10h

[at a seance to contact the spirit of the evil woman who cursed me before she died and keeps trying to drag my soul into hell] idk.. still kinda seems like a scam

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grilled cheese 🧀 @grilldcheese.bsky.social · 1d

the best human on the planet can't compete with a halfway decent dog. would you pick up the best human's shit for them? the defense rests.

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Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉 @xinicit.bsky.social · 17h

Anything can be a puppet if you don’t care what happens to your hand

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Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉 @xinicit.bsky.social · 17h

“You have to kiss so many frogs before you find a prince” bro I’m not trying to improve my station I just like the texture

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official nikk account @nikk.ca · 12h

ME: give it to me straight doctor. how long do i have
DOC: what
ME: left. to live
DOC: it's carpal tunnel syndrome. you're not going to die
ME: my god ... eternal life

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 12h

We've profiled you based on your actual profile and it reads disconnectedly as an erotic thriller of the highest intelligence, I might add hilarious. If you ever commit a crime I'll be the first to put red herring in bio, let's alt away together

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 1d

Freaky Friday Threequel: Me and someone else who doesn't give a fuck at work swap bodies. Nothing changes. No lesson learned.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 20h

His beard was like a temper tantrum. Her breath was better than her playlist. They made love in the Kohl’s parking lot.

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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 17h

This is like a high school party that gets busted by the cops and no one knows whose house to go to and dammit I threw out my four loko

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 17h

If there is a pore, yo I'll unclog it
Check out this weird, sketchy blackhead hook I bought on Shein while my DJ revolves it

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Blather Wince Repeat @blatherwincerepeat.bsky.social · 17h

One can’t accuse whoever named it ‘fireplace’ of gilding the lily.

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 1d

i’m so relieved he didn’t win the nobel prize otherwise i’d have had to throw mine away

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 1d

Be careful saying negative things about yourself breathing through bamboo from the bottom of a pond. People walking by will tell the pond positive things about it and you'll believe them I love you pond

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 1d

You know what it is, the mind yearning to commune with the night and knowing not to say day things like talking to ambience solves nothing let's fuck up afternoons

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Reposted by chris.

Astr0z0mbreez @astr0z0mbreez.bsky.social · 1d

Don’t miss the chance to tell her she’s the most threatening asteroid in your sky.

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Damnit Janet @damnitjanet.bsky.social · 1d

Just made the best dream cocktail ever then woke up all OMIGOD I have to trademark this - i'll make millions and then it dawned on me that cherry coke and tequila shouldn't make spaghetti