Discount Storytime
@discountstorytime.com
The "Discount Storytime" podcast provides weekly absurd short stories to make you laugh. Enjoy!
Reposted by Discount Storytime
this IS in fact my first rodeo and i think i left the stove on at home…gotta go…
January 3, 2026 at 11:12 AM
this IS in fact my first rodeo and i think i left the stove on at home…gotta go…
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if you stand me up before the gates of hell i . . . would get first date jitters
January 3, 2026 at 11:19 AM
if you stand me up before the gates of hell i . . . would get first date jitters
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I’m drunk with power, minus the power.
January 3, 2026 at 12:20 AM
I’m drunk with power, minus the power.
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In a high speed horse chase, always choose the Pegasus, unless they outlaw flying, then pick a really fast car, unless they outlaw multiple horsepower, in which case, join the outlaws.
January 3, 2026 at 3:24 AM
In a high speed horse chase, always choose the Pegasus, unless they outlaw flying, then pick a really fast car, unless they outlaw multiple horsepower, in which case, join the outlaws.
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Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me
- the inventor of the wheel watching the inventor of sliced bread get an obscene amount of credit
- the inventor of the wheel watching the inventor of sliced bread get an obscene amount of credit
January 2, 2026 at 7:20 PM
Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me
- the inventor of the wheel watching the inventor of sliced bread get an obscene amount of credit
- the inventor of the wheel watching the inventor of sliced bread get an obscene amount of credit
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You look sane and put together. Blocked.
January 3, 2026 at 1:31 AM
You look sane and put together. Blocked.
January 2, 2026 at 1:11 PM
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drew a horse from imagination. is this what they look like
January 2, 2026 at 7:28 AM
drew a horse from imagination. is this what they look like
So, is today Monday or not??? I don't know. This holiday schedule has me all turned around.
January 2, 2026 at 12:51 PM
So, is today Monday or not??? I don't know. This holiday schedule has me all turned around.
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Dogs are too good.
January 1, 2026 at 1:54 PM
Dogs are too good.
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I failed my British citizenship test. I'm chuffed. Or possibly knackered. I didn't really study.
April 30, 2023 at 4:32 PM
I failed my British citizenship test. I'm chuffed. Or possibly knackered. I didn't really study.
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Fuck it. I'm going out tonight.
I'll be back by 8:30.
I'll be back by 8:30.
December 31, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Fuck it. I'm going out tonight.
I'll be back by 8:30.
I'll be back by 8:30.
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9: Where's mom?
me: out the back
9: in Australia?
me: no silly, she’s out THE back, not in the Outback!
9: what's she doing?
me: playing with her didgeridoo, I think
me: out the back
9: in Australia?
me: no silly, she’s out THE back, not in the Outback!
9: what's she doing?
me: playing with her didgeridoo, I think
December 31, 2025 at 2:15 PM
9: Where's mom?
me: out the back
9: in Australia?
me: no silly, she’s out THE back, not in the Outback!
9: what's she doing?
me: playing with her didgeridoo, I think
me: out the back
9: in Australia?
me: no silly, she’s out THE back, not in the Outback!
9: what's she doing?
me: playing with her didgeridoo, I think
Reposted by Discount Storytime
Happy New Year 🎉
January 1, 2026 at 7:09 AM
Happy New Year 🎉
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happy new year, imaginary weirdos ❤️
January 1, 2026 at 5:04 AM
happy new year, imaginary weirdos ❤️
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2̶0̶2̶1̶ 2̶0̶2̶2̶ 2̶0̶2̶3̶ 2̶0̶2̶4̶ 2̶0̶2̶5̶ 2026 will be my year.
December 29, 2025 at 3:58 PM
2̶0̶2̶1̶ 2̶0̶2̶2̶ 2̶0̶2̶3̶ 2̶0̶2̶4̶ 2̶0̶2̶5̶ 2026 will be my year.
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bumper sticker that says "honk if you just found yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile"
January 1, 2026 at 10:35 AM
bumper sticker that says "honk if you just found yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile"
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This yr I’m setting realistic goals:
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
December 31, 2025 at 12:03 PM
This yr I’m setting realistic goals:
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
1) get out of bed
2) don’t bite anyone
The Em Dash Responds to the AI Allegations www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
The Em Dash Responds to the AI Allegations
Our most-read article of 2025.
(Originally published Juily 17, 2025.)
- - -“In recent months, a curious fixation has emerged in corners of academi...
www.mcsweeneys.net
January 1, 2026 at 12:29 PM
The Em Dash Responds to the AI Allegations www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...
MTV is officially ending all of its music channels.
In honor of that, what's your favorite music video?
In honor of that, what's your favorite music video?
December 31, 2025 at 8:06 PM
MTV is officially ending all of its music channels.
In honor of that, what's your favorite music video?
In honor of that, what's your favorite music video?
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devil: youre here because you touch yourself at night
me: thats not that bad
devil: and during the day
me: doesnt seem like a big deal
devil: youre doing it right now
me: you have to admit this is exciting
me: thats not that bad
devil: and during the day
me: doesnt seem like a big deal
devil: youre doing it right now
me: you have to admit this is exciting
January 27, 2025 at 3:40 PM
devil: youre here because you touch yourself at night
me: thats not that bad
devil: and during the day
me: doesnt seem like a big deal
devil: youre doing it right now
me: you have to admit this is exciting
me: thats not that bad
devil: and during the day
me: doesnt seem like a big deal
devil: youre doing it right now
me: you have to admit this is exciting
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A shark, a crocodile and a giant spider walk into a bar.
Oh, there’s no punchline. It’s just a typical night in Australia.
Oh, there’s no punchline. It’s just a typical night in Australia.
August 24, 2023 at 5:32 PM
A shark, a crocodile and a giant spider walk into a bar.
Oh, there’s no punchline. It’s just a typical night in Australia.
Oh, there’s no punchline. It’s just a typical night in Australia.
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You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store
December 30, 2025 at 4:44 PM
You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store
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all I’m saying is a lava lamp would be much better with real lava
December 30, 2025 at 11:47 PM
all I’m saying is a lava lamp would be much better with real lava